Last week’s post was supposed to be about the mechanisms that we, Man, have created and how they are being utilised when it comes to picking the best members of our species to climb up the proverbial ladder.

The reason why I’m doing this unintended follow-on is that I don’t think last week’s instalment did a good job of getting my point across.

To be clear, these are my thoughts and opinions based on observations and identifying patterns from those observations. I’ll be using some examples throughout.

Referring to the last post, I do believe there are a number of mechanisms at play, whether by design or circumstance, which are there to only allow certain people through the echelons of society. I’m going to be discussing these in the context of a workplace environment. I’ll start with the big one:

Money.

Money is an artificial resource that we created to make trading easier. Rather than exchanging stone, metal, wood, etc for, say, fabrics, gunpowder and alcohol, we created a system that allowed for these things to be represented in a way that makes a trade far easier. Instead of hauling several tons of material only for a trade to fail, it’s a damned sight easier for two people to meet somewhere with their respective notes and coins to discuss terms. Once an agreement is made, the materials are exchanged at a later date.

Money also allowed for intangible qualities to be priced. Labour, skill, talent and knowledge could all be paid for without the need for a person to have to move large amounts of precious goods. Or, indeed, destroy They’d hand over their note from the benefactor and the proprietor would bill them accordingly.

The result of this ease of use has proven invaluable over the centuries. Nowadays, we carry all our money in a wallet or on an app. Financial transactions can be completed in seconds compared to weeks or months centuries ago.

So, what’s the reason for money being here?

It’s a resource and resources are judged as a means of power and influence. It’s one reason why there’s a rich list published every year and there are stock exchanges. They all measure the value, represented by money, of an individual or company. That value determines the influence they have over people, economies, governments and countries. How else could Apple or Facebook be able to snub the British and American governments? They have so much more money than they do. That fact alone is enough for them to absolve themselves of any accountability they may have.

It’s a scary and sobering thought that companies can be so big they can dismiss the very organisation that governs them. Apple makes consumer technology – phones, tablets, desktops, earphones, etc and yet…and yet, they are now more powerful than the U.S. government.

On the other end of the scale, not having a lot of money is also a measure. It’s a measure that you may not be a responsible person regardless of how much or how little you earn. How you use that money will help determine your value in society and with family, friendships and romantic relationships. Too frugal and you’ll be seen as paranoid or a cheapskate. Too generous and people will start to think all manner of things especially if your income stream/s don’t back up your lifestyle.

When I was working at the headquarters of a major UK bank, (which I’ll call ‘Retail Bank HQ’ herein) there was one person who joined our team that had people questioning (not always literally but their faces said everything) how this person was able to afford their lifestyle.

Picture this: late-twenties male wearing at least £500 worth of suit, shirt, tie and shoes to work. Every. Day. Drives an Audi S7 (on lease) with a spec that brought its market value to around £70k. Pays an expensive subscription for a gym which he, allegedly, went to every day yet still had a gut.

Last time I spoke to him, he was bragging about how he spends £800 a month on fuel and that he wants to buy a Bugatti Veyron. A previous conversation I had with him revealed that his ‘uncle’ gave him an old Triumph motorbike which, once he’d sorted it, would fetch him £10k.

Now, all that talk would be fine if he was a £300 plus per day contractor or earning upwards of £80k on a salary. Everything except the Veyron, that is.

But he wasn’t. This guy was on £35k. People knew roughly what he was on and I found out exactly. When I did, I had a lot of questions as, no doubt, did many others. Is there a family trust fund? Is he racking up heaps of debt? Does he have a legitimate/illegitimate business on the side? Senior managers weren’t behaving anywhere like that and they would have the means by which to do so, if they chose.

His reason was always that he got a ‘good deal’. If that was true then he was taking all the ‘good ‘deals’ he could could get. In a big, open-plan office, it won’t get you many friends.

It didn’t.

At a team Christmas lunch, we were presented with another ‘good deal’. Incidentally, my colleague got our manager as his Secret Santa. Now, the budget was £10 as it really just a bit of fun. But this guy got our manager a watch that was easily over £100!

“I used a lot of vouchers.” was his defence. What didn’t help was that, rather than hand it back, my manager accepted it. From that point on, in secret, my colleague was officially dubbed a ‘brown-noser’.

Something that may, just may, have allowed such brazen behaviour to slide would be if we was actually good at his job.

He wasn’t. He was pretty terrible.

In the end, he left the team because he ‘didn’t enjoy it’ but he made the wild assumption that he was well liked in the department.

His farewell?

He had booked a venue for the entire department, which was fifty-plus people. He didn’t send out an e-mail to everyone to see how many people would turn up then book the venue. He just booked it.

How many turned up?

None.

Did he learn a lesson? No. To give some perspective, the Christmas lunch was 2014, he left the team in 2015 and the last conversation I had with him took place in October 2018.

I heard he’s started a car leasing business. I wish him well.

Now, taking advantage of deals is a good way of improving wealth. The middle and upper classes have doing this for generations. How often does the Queen by a new car? Furniture? These classes invest in items that they, ideally, only need to buy once. Property, furniture, land, cars, clothes – if it’s bought, paid for and still works then it’s kept. If they don’t need to spend money, they won’t.

But for those who aren’t as financially savvy, they are prime targets for capitalism. Companies will be stumbling over themselves to get you to buy a new phone every year, lease a car every three years and rent a property instead of buy one.

The end result?

We have people constantly paying for things they don’t need and never able to save for anything important. Holidays are more frequently borrowed on credit card instead of saved for. Brides are not having one but two hen parties now – one at home and one abroad. Speaking of brides, in the UK, the average cost of their weddings is now £30k. On one day? ONE…DAY!

For that, you can buy a very decent second-hand car outright or have yourself a fairly substantial mortgage deposit. Thirty grand for a wedding is absolutely ludicrous!

And the people who will be having these weddings will be the ones who don’t have a clue how to use money. They’ll take a wedding loan (they exist), rack up huge credit card bills and either beg or borrow from parents.

All because they want a ‘perfect’ day?

Grow up. Please. Spending your first few years of married life in debt is not a healthy scenario. If a couple then chose to start a family, the financial burden increases even if both partners are working.

We are living in an ever increasingly materialistic world where people, for some reason, feel they must spend to obtain items because they believe these items equal a good life. Fancy cars, lavish holidays, lush weddings, eating out more often than not, buying new clothes every month. The list goes on.

People are becoming less and less concerned with what money actually means and the result is they are feeding themselves to the capitalist sharks.

As I said at the start, money is a resource and as such, it is also a tool. You don’t need lots to have a good life. You just need to know what to do with it which brings me neatly to my next attribute.

Resourcefulness

Having money as one resource to then buy other resources is one thing. Being able to create a resource from disregarded elements? That’s alchemy.

Take Sir James Dyson. He built his first bagless vacuum cleaner from spare parts from places you wouldn’t associate with domestic cleaning. An industrial sawmill was one such place. He started his quest in 1979. In 1995, his vacuum was the best selling brand in the UK. In 2019, he’s the fifth richest Brit and a long-established household name. But back in the eighties, he was deemed mad and was pushing very near the poverty line. No one else could see what he could see bar his wife but, as an engineer who went to art school, he had the vision and ability to cobble together something that has been the standard for over twenty years.

How he did that involves other qualities I’ll discuss later. Let’s stay on topic.

The ability to make something useful from very little is a reflection of deep knowledge, understanding and imagination. These are very powerful tools particularly in times of crises. If something’s broken and there are no tools to fix it, if you’re the person who can fix it with the equivalent of candlewax, blu-tac, gaffer tape and a shoestring, your value just went up. If you can continue doing it, your value keeps going up. If you can do it under immense pressure and keep your cool you’re practically a master sorcerer. People will be in awe of your abilities. Some will be jealous only because of their disappointment in themselves, mind you, but they’ll be jealous nonetheless.

Assertiveness

Never should be but often is confused with aggression. There are similarities between the two but you should never really have to be aggressive to be assertive. If you do, you’re not very good at it.

Being assertive is knowing what you want, forming a strategy on how you’re going to get what you want, executing that strategy and letting nothing and no one distract you from your target once you’ve locked it in.

That’s it. Many people, however, have a tough time trying to assert themselves at different points in their life. Some people overthink things, some overfeel and some don’t do enough of the previous two. Part of the problem, and it seems to be a growing one, is people struggle to focus.

Earlier this week, I was at a Rob Zombie gig and the man himself had to take a few moments and ask the audience to put their cellphones away!

That should never have to happen.

The ticket was £35 and he was good value but why, oh, why would you pay for a gig, turn up then not watch the act but record it or photograph it instead? That’s another blog but it’s related to my point. I don’t think people really know what to do at gigs anymore. It’s like expressing yourself is an alien concept so best take a video and a few pictures to internalise later.

YOU’RE THERE! The artist is in front of you and you can’t do them the courtesy of expressing your enjoyment? That’s just bizarre and a complete waste of their talent and time. The guy is on tour from the United States and the best you can do is hold a phone up to him? Sod off!

And this behaviour is linked to lack of assertion because if you can’t decide how to express yourself in a live music setting in your own spare time then you’re screwed in all other parts of life.

If you don’t know what to do, say, feel, think or act in a given situation, you’re useless. The statement/question ‘Are you a man or a mouse?’ is very apt for a lot of people and what I mean by that is, in the sense of utility, are you capable or are you not? By ‘Man’, I refer to a person who knows who they are and what they can bring to the table. By ‘mouse’, I refer to someone who hasn’t got a clue but is nice to have around. Like a pet. Harmless but good company. Guard dogs are not pets. They have a job and they know it. My girlfriend’s cat? As lovely as he is, he’s extremely placid and timid. Initially, as a test but now as play-time, whenever I chase him, he runs under the bed. I pretend wrestle with him – he allows it. He shouldn’t allow it. He should be telling me it’s not acceptable and giving me a warning. I’m concerned about how far I’d have to go before he stops tolerating it.

Attractiveness

Being attractive doesn’t just mean how good you look but it’s a major factor. From an evolutionary standpoint attractiveness is an indicator of the quality of genes you carry therefore the more attractive you’re deemed to be, the better your chances of mating.

Attractiveness can be looked like a pyramid. At the bottom, you have the foundation levels of status and health. Physical attraction is often linked to health and serves as a fairly good indicator on whether your genes are strong. Status serves as an indicator of your value within a community. This can be measured by your job, the possessions you have and visual markers.

Your visual markers can be interlinked with health. If you look good, smell good and move strongly then not only are you more likely to look like you take care yourself but you will also project an air of confidence.

Now, confidence is part of status namely your internal status and it’s a representation of two other key factors within that – Skills and your belief system whilst your external status is what others can see i.e, job, possessions, etc.

The thing with confidence is that it’s the result of the other two internal status factors. If you believe you can do something and you go and put the time and effort in, you’ll end up skilled in that activity. Knowing what you’re capable of is what confidence is all about and in so many scenarios, there are very capable people who do not have this confidence.

Why might that be?

Part of the reason comes down to insecure, paranoid and less capable people. These people will be aggressive when protecting their positions in the workplace. They will recognise almost straight away when someone is better than them and they will resort to all manner of nasty tactics to shut that person down.

I can personally attest to this. In my most recent job, we had a new Head of Product Operations join the company. I’ll call him…Dave.

Dave is about twenty years my senior and much more experienced than I am. However, Dave had no real confidence. For such a senior member of staff, he struggled to talk to a room full of junior staff and mid to senior level people. He was nervous. He stumbled over words and he was very quiet. He does not have a physically commanding presence as he’s short and rakish but doesn’t compensate for it in personality. His internal status was poor and so was his external status. He didn’t dress like the head of anything and came to work either by bike (which I don’t believe is a real indicator of status) or by van which wasn’t in the best of conditions.

For sure, given the office had a casual dress code, most people did wear more comfortable clothing. Even in that kind of setup, it’s clear who the senior people are. Their many more years experience shines through. They take the lead, ask the questions, guide the juniors, etc.

Not Dave.

Dave sat at his desk on calls and barely interacted with anyone. He was the complete opposite of the Vice President of Products (I’ll call him…Bob) who was loud, animated, sociable and interested in what people were doing. He was as you might expect a senior staff member to be. Within my first few weeks, I developed a good working relationship with Bob.

As this was a new job for me, I was wary of how I should present myself. I took the train and avoided taking my car (a 2012 crystal blue Jaguar XF) for two reasons: One – the car wasn’t bought for the purpose of commuting but for the enjoyment of driving. Two – I didn’t want to turn up in a car that would easily outshine everything else in the car park regardless of the fact it’s seven years and a diesel and I didn’t pay a lot for it.

I wore my Ted Baker suit (John Lewis clearance sale because I avoid full price at all costs but like to look professional and stylish) for two weeks then resorted to casual clothes. I had to buy a bundle of long sleeve t-shirts to hide my tattoos. In my previous role, there was no issue with my having tattoos but I had established myself there by the time I got them. I was also a contractor so not bound by the same rules as permanent members of staff.

I wanted my new colleagues to feel emotionally attracted to me which is the third level of the pyramid. If I dressed and travelled more like they did, then they would feel more comfortable around me and therefore trust me more. I could speak their language and engage in their conversations so, very quickly, I was made to feel at home. Doubly so when I allowed certain parts of my personality through because people don’t want to see a facade. They’ll know something’s up and stop trusting you which will lead to discomfort all round. But, at the same time, I didn’t reveal absolutely everything about myself in one go either. People need to be able to unravel the layers over time. They like the mystery of unwrapping the intriguing person.

My new role was a permanent contract and I was officially a mid-senior member of staff. Too advanced to be junior but not long enough in the tooth to be full senior. As such, I wanted to conduct myself differently. I’d moved from finance systems role in a bank of 90,000 people worldwide to a business analyst role in a software company of just 300. Part of why I took the job was because I thought I could help this small company grow by bringing some big company thinking.

That was my thought and it was my mistake.

When Dave had a one-to-one (I really do not enjoy corporate speak) with me, he went over his grand plan for the Products team. I showed interest and support in this vision. Even made some suggestions as a means of collaboration.

Initially, this went well.

Another discussion and I was asked for what I wanted to achieve in the company.

I explained that, over the next few years, I’d want to gain knowledge in each industry sector the company operated in. That would allow me to identify common traits in each so we could develop a platform that would speed up development of client products.

Again, this seemed to go well. It didn’t.

In a further meeting with Dave and my Line manger (I’ll call her…Sue), I was told that I’d ‘fail at my job’ for taking on such a task and that it was ‘impossible’. He hadn’t heard this was my plan for over the next few years. I had a job to do right now and that’s what I was doing.

But Dave positioned this like what I was doing was not my job. He wanted Sue to see this. I didn’t stand for it but I couldn’t retaliate how I wanted. It would have seen me out the door faster.

The company flew in a new Product Manager from Canada. His specialism was Oil and Gas and had over twenty years experience. Both my Line Manager and Dave brought me into a meeting with him so we could discuss Product Management since myself, my line manager and Dave were the only members of the Products team. We were a three-piece band needing a drummer since no one had a beat.

Before the meeting, I had brushed up on my product management knowledge since I had some experience at ‘Retail Bank HQ’. Being a quick study, I was able to devise a mental template and mix it with my previous experience in order to learn it better.

In the meeting itself, Dave referred to me as a ‘Product Owner’ which I found odd. Nothing in my CV or past experience suggested that. Even the current role didn’t match that title. I dismissed it as a slip of the tongue.

I should have known better.

As the meeting continued, I found myself talking on terms with the Product Manager. I’ll call him…Jim.

From the outset, you’d think Jim and I had worked together for a number of years. In my head, I thought I was displaying great adaptability, intelligence and confidence in front of Dave and Sue. All three stages of attraction discussed so far were very much on show.

What I thought was a good meeting seemed to be a turning point. From then on, things started to become more difficult.

I remember one Friday afternoon, Dave asked me what I was doing at the weekend. I explained I was going to write some more of my book. He asked what it was about and I gave him the brief. He didn’t look interested like most people would. He didn’t seem to think it was cool. He didn’t talk about his weekend plans.

He looked disgusted. And scared.

Can’t say I’ve had that reaction before. It was subtle but his eyes said everything. That seemed to push him over the edge. At that point, I started looking for a new job.

On the rare occasions I took my car in to work, I made no mention it was mine. I would get in early so no one could see me get out of it and I tried to leave before or after the main the rush in the evening so, hopefully, no one saw me leave in it. It happened a couple of times then I met a couple of fellow car enthusiasts in the office – One who drove a lovely black, mark one Mercedes CLS and another who drove a Honda Civic Type-S. Once we got chatting, I thought I was safe to talk about the Jag.

Nope.

When that got out, the mood from management changed even further. I don’t even think it was intentional on the part of colleagues. Probably said in passing. These guys are developers, after all. They code all day and that’s what they love doing. Social conventions and nuances aren’t considered.

Management, on the other hand, are all about the social aspects. It provides information and information is power.

Another meeting was had. This time with the brand new (note, this company has a lot of people in it who have served for less than a year) Quality Assurance manager. I was being moved from being a Business Analyst to being a Quality Assurance Engineer.

Why?

Namely, because the job I was hired for wasn’t there. Instead of working on what I was supposed to (a Joint Venture Accounting product), I was doing tax calculations on a Subcontractor Management product within the construction industry. It had absolutely nothing to do with Finance, Supply Chain Services or Procurement which were the skills and knowledge that were supposed to be getting utilised.

So, having some experience in this field, I went and worked with the new QA manager to devise the methodology since the QA function hadn’t existed in the company before. I then got to devising test cases and scenarios. Problem was, I had limited system access and wasn’t getting any.

One afternoon, I was working from home developing a swim lane diagram (which was really tedious and underutlising me) and the QA manager asked me to come in and bring my laptop.

I knew what was coming.

I got into the office and a final meeting was had. It was with Dave, Sue and the new QA manager. I’ll call him, Sanjeev. I was being let go ten weeks into a permanent role after five solid years as a contractor. The irony didn’t escape me.

There was mention that they felt they didn’t utilise me as well as they could have and that they were, perhaps, too small for someone like me. They didn’t mention that they speculatively hired. I got no apology.

But there was something else lurking that was never touched.

I don’t think Dave liked me.

In my efforts to show how capable I was and what a benefit I could be to the company, I think I ended up being too attractive. And that threatened Dave. It threatened him to the point where he tried to shut me down and when that didn’t work, he removed access to people I needed. First, the Vice President was impossible to get hold of. Sue would only say ‘good morning’ to me, Dave said nothing and Sanjeev seemed to expect me to do all the work in the new QA function.

But Dave went about correcting spelling errors in the word Subcontractor. Not really something I’d expect a senior figure to be doing.

From this experience, I surmised that the car, the suit, the attitude, being able to get something from practically nothing and also my ability to get on with people saw me looking for a new job. Sounds wrong, doesn’t it?

And that’s where the final part of the attraction pyramid comes in. Logic.

Logic is one of the big differences between us and the animals. It’s what allows us to find out if we are compatible with other human beings. Are our short-term and long-term goals aligned? Do we like the same things? Do we have similar personalities? Essentially, logic allows us to determine if we’re going to get on and it does it pretty quickly.

My logic told me I wasn’t in a good place from the start. This was reinforced by a new start who asked me in their first week – ‘Do you ever feel like you’ve a whoopsie?’

He asked me this because three quarters of the attraction pyramid were in agreement but logic, the head honcho, wasn’t buying it.

For me, I should have listened to my logic from the start. The job didn’t exist so I should have left straightaway or, at least, started looking for a new role straightway.

I didn’t. My stubbornness kicked in and willed me to give it a go and see if I could make it work. But other forces were against me because their logic was saying I didn’t fit despite any positive feelings they had, personally.

They did admit that they were too small for me so that was something.

What I also didn’t do was the play the game and that will be where the next post goes as I’m quite aware this one has gone on for some time.